Teen Dances

What would you rather do on a Saturday night than go to the local athletic club where they are hosting a teen dance? Who knows, it might be some fun. Maybe if you get lucky you can meet a cute girl.

The above statements are to false as I am to good looking. Besides my stunning looks, none of the above is true. I would much rather sit home by myself, on a Saturday night, and watch Lifetime movies with my grandmother. These dances are fun if you’re a creepy senior who stalks the incoming freshman girls. And if for some reason you choose the wrong path and attend one of these events, the chances that you meet a girl (by girl I mean looks like a female and does not have more facial hair than Osama bin Laden) and she happens to not make my eyes bleed when I look at the hideous mammal that one considers cute, is as slim as most of these girl’s bodies.

Let me describe to you your typical teen dance, in my town at the local athletic club they host dances and other various events. The cost ranges from about 15 to 30 dollars, depending on if you want to comb Sam Adams hair and smell his odor. The general purpose of the dance is for a bunch of ugly dudes to go and meet a bunch of ugly girls. And by “meet” I mean by the end of the night, every person has intermixed his or her saliva with everyone else. It sure is a sight to see, but one that disturbs me and haunts me until this day. You cannot go more than 5 feet without finding some sweaty, large girl sucking face with some sweaty kid. It truly is an excuse for teens that cannot supply themselves with a sufficient amount of pleasure in their love life to go and stick their tongues down the throats of random sluts.

And wait; don’t even get me started on the intermixing of alcohol and a teen dance. I seem to recall an event last year that involved a stabbing at a JCC. What pervert stabs another pervert at a Jewish Community Center? Was the ugly chick that important to you? Or did you want to start a fight in front of all your cool friends who were too busy checking out the butts of the girls who wore clothing that was just a bit too tight and revealing. The addition of alcohol always makes a scene where some kid pukes all over the girl, who might look better with puke on her, and has to be escorted out by security. I would not be surprised about this, but I believe that the spread of mono would fit right into this already beautiful picture.

So to all you teen dance lovers out there who promote all the “hot new clubs” and teen parties, I am not “DOWN TO FOAM” with a bunch of sweaty dudes. I am going to stick to watching Lifetime movies and baking cookies with grandma, because that is what I enjoy doing. I highly recommend it. I also recommend that if you do go to a teen dance, that you scan the females for STDs and disease because you never know what you will find here.

I hope I brought back many fond memories for some people. If not you’re lucky, because at the few dances I have attended I still have nightmares to this day about watching the two hairy children groping and licking each other.

Have a great day.

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