I Hate Butts

I was in eighth grade. I was an immature kid who didn't care what the administrative staff said. The principals would lecture on and on about this and that. No one gave a shit. Until the one day when I was dared to touch a girl's ass. No big deal. I would say its an accident. She was a quiet girl, no one would find out.

I did it. I gave her butt a little tap, a tickle at most. If she asked, I was brushing the dirt off the back of her pants. But she didn't notice (at least that's what I thought). A few days later as I proceeded to do go through my eighth grade routine of homework, procrasturbating, and accidental on purpose IMs, my mom came into my room and told me that the principal called her. What could this be about? What did I do?

Little did I know that the next day I would be sitting in a room with the asshole (pun absolutely intended) and the principal. The principal was lecturing to me about how what I did was disrespectful and that I may be suspended for my prior actions.

Excuse me! I, the little nice, cuddly kid, was going to be suspended for putting my hand on a girls butt. What is different about the butt than any other body part. The butts only purpose is to provide a natural cushion for when sitting and to protect the hole that empties the feces. What if I touched her arm? Would I be suspended for that? This whole situation was uncalled for and the girl should be happy that I touched her gluteus.

If I were to have been suspended I would have gone ape shit. I would've ran through the school smacking every moving ass that I saw. I would have pulled my whack-a-mole stick out of my ass and received the high score. Who does the principal think he is to suspend me? I would probably smack his old ass and ask him if that gets me suspended for more days.

So a lesson for everyone out there. No matter how tempting. How big. How juicy. How beautiful. You must resist, because for some reason butts are different than every other body part for some reason and deserve some respect. So if you really need to give someones butt a little tickle or poke, ask them. Because you might never know when you may be suspended for touching a random girl's buttox.

Hope your day is full of many butts.

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